HELLO, WORLD.

welcome to HARRAZEL.COM! the prime destination for finding out who the world's 4,300,401,204thsource: google.com most important person is and what that person is up to.

probably a great site to look at if you're colorblind.

please, enjoy your stay!

this clock displays: Central European Time

seeing as i am a complete and utter disappointment, my life is also a series of complete and utter disappointments. well, i exaggerate, but not a lot is currently going my way in life. remember that game i spoke about? sort of dead in the water, technically on hiatus but i sincerely doubt it's going anywhere from here. my life has been very still in recent months, i'm finally out of school so that's nice, but since then i really have been doing nothing... now that i think about it, i've been doing nothing for a lot longer than that. does anyone remember when
i spoke about a youtube video like probably over a year ago at this point? wanna know how it's going? rewrote and rerecorded like twice, had to redo everything because i decided "i should switch editing software", and now there is currently a whole 10 FUCKING SECONDS OF EDITING ON THE TIMELINE!!! 10!!! WHAT THE FUCK AM I FUCKING DOING!!!!!!!! oh but at least i spent a whole day obsessing over how a thumbnail should look like. LOL i am fucking worthless man. that's not even mentioning the fact that i haven't updated this site since february.

i hate speaking about or sounding like i'm complaining about this because the truth that i CHOOSE to do this is so loud that it shatters any piece of glass i think of in my mind for the next 10 minutes. i choose to play a demo of a game called Garbonzo Quest while in a call with my friends all day instead of doing anything productive, i choose to distract myself immediately should i decide to actually open da vinci resolve every once in a while. i think that i'm simply not cut out for anything creative because getting myself to do anything on my own is pretty much impossible. fuck man, i can barely even start up a game that isn't the same old shit i've been playing for years without hyping myself up to do it pre-emptively. the past month for me has been almost nothing but team fortress 2 and left 4 dead over and over, with like a few instances of me going out to skate or out to the lake when it was nearly 40 degrees celsius. am i 20 years old or 16 i cannot FUCKING tell.

well, i guess i've tried to do SOMETHING, i applied for a job and got no reply. wow. cool. glad i get to experience this now. i don't even draw anymore, last time i did it was this little sketch of an expie amputation when i was playing Casualties: Unknown (cuz i amputated my leg once in a lifepod in front of another expie and thought the idea of it as a bonding experience was pretty funny) only to find out i cannot draw furries for FUCK (or very well at all for that matter, i mean it just looks so... still).

so ya, hi that's my little sign of life. sorry this update isn't anything concrete, again. i'm also sorry if this is like a big pessimistic wall of text but... i dunno. i've felt like this for at least 5 years now and cannot seem to change my ways almost at all. anything and everything i've made that people like thus far has always felt like a fluke and i don't know if it will ever feel like anything else.
i really wonder if i should just give up, because it feels like i already have.

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